Help Me Whilst I Hide
by Faded Nights
Summary: Raven neglects her past, and hides it from everyone, even herself. It takes getting trapped within her own head to organize these thoughts, but Raven will always be distant.
1. The Demon Awakens

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. huggles a Raven plushie Instead, I'm stuck using other peoples characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really...

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind...

**Summary**: Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter One – The Demon Awakens_

'_Why is it that I always feel alone? Even when I am among my friends, I can feel the difference between us. It radiates like a beacon through darkness. The others have always wondered why I keep myself 'aloof,' always cut off from the 'real world,' which surrounds us. After the adventure into the forbidden void, which is my mind, I had thought that perhaps Beast Boy and Cyborg would begin to understand what I went through. What I go through every day of my life. Maybe they had for a while, though with them, things have always gone in one ear and out the other. Immature pinheads._'

Raven's lavender hair swayed from a gentle, refreshing current of air that circulated her room, pushed by a dark colour fan mounted on the ceiling in her room. She didn't appear to notice however, being too deep in thought while attempting to make herself calm enough to meditate. It wasn't working.

Her thoughts and all attempt at anything else shattered at the sound of a crash from the kitchen, four reinforced steel floors below. Apparently something extremely large had broken. She groaned and opened eyes, which were a startling, yet mysterious, deep blue, almost purple colour. The immature pinheads had broken something, and it would be up to her to shut up the arguing which she could hear even before she opened the door to the hallway.

She was about to turn around when an idea hit her. Why not startle them? Maybe they'd shut up and let her meditate in peace for a few hours. Smirking to herself, Raven levitated into a sitting position and engulfed herself in spirit form as she sunk through the floor.

Sure enough, as she stuck her head through a portal in the ceiling of the kitchen, the table, as well as a few dishes, was in pieces and three members of the Titans were arguing about whose fault it had been, in obnoxiously loud voices. They weren't looking around either, perfect for her plan.

A furious, booming caw echoed through the room moments later as Raven swept down, expanding her magic and engulfing her bickering teammates in momentary blackness, before releasing the magic and revealing her to be standing in the middle of three, extremely shocked, male Teen Titans. Her hood was raised, though it didn't quite hide her eyes, which spoke of immense aggravation. Needless to say, she had frightened them. The half-robot Cyborg, and Wonder Boy Robin had even gone as far as exposing weapons.

"Erm... Hey Raven," Beast Boy said nervously, watching her warily as he approached the group. He had been the most startled of the three, and had changed into a mouse and shot off, under a couch. He was walking back to the group very cautiously. His steps couldn't have possibly been any slower.

"Who did it?" Raven asked in her usual dry voice, examining guilty faces. She held back a laugh as both Cyborg and Robin immediately pointed at Beast Boy. The green changeling looked as if he wanted to resume mouse form.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't kill me!" He exclaimed, putting his hands together in a pleading manner.

"I wasn't planning on it," came her bland response. "I..." she frowned and winced. The Titans recoiled, though she wasn't surprised. It was fighting her. _He_ was fighting her.

"Rae? You okay? Hellooo... Raven?"

She was dazed. How had He broken out? Why had she let Him break out? She'd dealt with Him! Beast Boy and Cyborg had helped! "Need to be alone..." she heard herself mutter, moving quickly to sweep away. She didn't get far, feeling a gloved hand close around her wrist as she attempted to push past.

"Raven, we're here for you," Robin said gently. His eyes were probably sympathetic behind the mask. She didn't have time for sympathy, and looked away to avoid his masked eyes. Black magic surrounded his hand, forcing him to release her wrist as she slowly turned and gradually melted into the floor.

She looked around her room suspiciously as she re-entered it. Strange things had happened in and around the Tower lately, most of them centering around herself and her room. The strangest had probably been Malchior speaking to her through that book. Tricking her into releasing him. Betraying her trust.

She felt anger, her demon side, stir and forced her emotions down back where they belonged. At the very back of her mind.

Showing emotion, even feeling it, was dangerous. It always had been, and always would be. Anger was the worst, because of her cursed demon side. Anger, hatred, both brought out the site she related to her father, because it was her damned father who had given her the demon side. A lamp shattered as her irritation built. How she hated Him! But no... Her emotions could be her downfall. The downfall of her, but more importantly, her teammates and friends, the other Titans.

Again, she found herself cursing varied people who had affected her life in negative ways. Trigon, Slade, Dr. Light... How many people had tried to ruin her life? How many people had _succeeded_ in ruining her life? She forced control upon herself as her meditation mirror began to shake. Meditation... Yes, that would solve everything. First though, she had to pay her emotions a long delayed visit, and demand to know what was going on. Not that any of them could be of any possible help, except perhaps her intellectual side.

She approached her dresser slowly and stared at the 'beauty mirror' sitting a top it. To her, it represented only her demonic side, as it was used solely for controlling her emotions, something she only did to control her demon side. At the same time though, it was her most prized possession, and had been a complete secret until Beast Boy and Cyborg had gone snooping through her room. She didn't know that she would ever forgive them for that time, though perhaps she didn't have a choice, seeing as they had actually saved her life. Or perhaps she had saved theirs, since they really shouldn't have been there in the first place.

She grimaced and lifted the mirror into her hand, staring into the reflective glass before chanting the three words which were her source of control over everything in her life. "_Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos_..." A black current of power surrounded her, pulling her deep into the depths of her own mind.

* * *

"Where is friend Raven?" asked Starfire, her red hair swirling as her green eyes scanned the room for the Goth girl who normally inhabited the corner couch. There was far more noise than was usual for this time of day, though the reason was obvious. There was no Raven around for them to be wary of. 

"She's in her room Star," Cyborg answered, using the favourite nickname for the Tamaranian girl, "Maybe reading, probably meditating. She was acting kind of strange this afternoon, now that I think on it." The half-robot's eyes were focused on the oversized screen in front of him as he and Beast Boy played Gamestation.

"Nah. Raven can't get any weirder. She's just creepy. Then again, she did that weird, red glowing eye thingy again," Beast Boy replied as his character overtook Cyborg's. "Though I suppose I have to agree with her being a bit different. She hugged me after that incident with the huge dragon dude. I think Malchior was his name?"

Robin made a strange noise under his breath as he looked up from searching through a CD rack, "Maybe she's finally opening up. Coming out of her shell, you know? Don't weird her out though. You know how Raven is, she's bound to just withdraw again."

"Booya! Take that!" Cyborg had just won the race, though Beast Boy seemed to not have noticed. He was staring at the screen, totally blanked out. "BB? You there? Hellooo?"

"I got freaked out when she did it. Hugging just isn't something that Raven does! Do you think she noticed?" There was worry in his eyes as her looked around the room at his friends.

"She probably did, but don't worry about it B. It's Raven, she's gotta be used to stuff like that by now." Cyborg responded nonchalantly. "Now get over here and play another round. I want to kick your butt again."

* * *

Raven looked around, reveling in the darkness that surrounded her, while showing visible annoyance that none of her other sides had found it necessary to come and greet her. Calling them would probably be easier anyway, as she would be able to get into contact with Intelligence without having to meet up with someone like Happy. She couldn't stand her Happy side. 

She closed her eyes and sent out a magical signal, which was more of a plea if she really thought about it, to her intelligent side. Her orange robed twin appeared almost instantly in front of her.

"I don't know that I can tell you the information which you seek," the figure said before Raven could begin speaking. "We fear him, because you fear Him. As it is so, we have hidden and protected ourselves from Him. To protect you, and our future."

Raven scowled, ready to deny her fear, and stand up for herself, then sighed as she remembered who she was talking to. This wasn't a friend who she could fool, this was a part of herself. Perhaps it was true, perhaps she was afraid of Him. He put her friends in danger, He put the city in danger, maybe He even put the whole planet in danger.

She'd done that before, while summoning Malchior. But that had been different, he had tricked her. He had built up her trust through his lies and tales, and she had been foolish enough to believe him, simply because she wanted someone to understand her. Someone who would be willing to speak with her, and treat her as an equal, as a normal person, instead of being afraid of her because she was different and potentially dangerous.

She broke from her thoughts to find Intelligence looking at her somewhat strangely. The orange robed figure had her head tilted to one side, as if she was trying to analyze Raven. "Pity shan't get you anywhere, especially if it is yourself whom you are pitying." She said, still with the strange look on her face.

Raven turned and began to walk away, hearing the orange robed figure sigh before a soft whoosh signaled that she had vanished. Okay, so maybe her other sides were completely useless in this situation, it had been worth a try though.

She sighed and shook her trance off as she rematerialized in her bedroom and looked around to make sure that nothing was out of place and that no one had been looking for her, or looting the Tower.

Raven grimaced and stared at a pulsing red light in the ceiling as an alarm went off, signaling that there was a villain in action somewhere within the city. '_Figures_,' she thought, frozen momentarily, '_Just when I'm about to meditate_...' To be truthful, she didn't trust herself to go into a fight while stuck in her present mindset. At the same time, she knew that if she didn't, the Titans could be critically injured, and it would be her fault.

The brooch on her cape and matching orb on her hand began to flash red. She was procrastinating, and she was needed wherever the others were. A swirling portal of black opened below her and swallowed her, transporting her into the air above the scene. A scene of mounting disaster.

Her eyes flew over the scene, her friends fighting desperately though not being very successful. She could see why. It had been her who defeated this particular villain the last time he had shown up.

"You..." she hissed venomously as she approached. "You were in jail! Driven insane!"

"Not quite dear, not quite. I am standing here now in front of you, plain as the sun's bright light, am I not?" Annoying voice, annoying blinding powers and the annoying ability to unleash her demon side. How she hated the annoying 'Dr. Light.'

"You insist on picking the wrong days to mess with me," Raven growled. "Azarath, Metrion, --"she groaned as an attack hit her, knocking her backwards onto the ground. She felt a shard of glass break into her skin as she landed, creating a long cut on her palm as the glass imbedded itself.

"I see that you do not learn from your foolish mistakes," Dr. Light taunted.

"And I see that you do not learn from yours," a beastly voice snarled back as Raven's eyes turned a glowing, blood red colour and her aura expanded, surrounding the villain who was her opposite in so many ways.

'_Losing control... Can't... Lose... Control..._' Raven's thoughts were lost as her demon side surfaced. '_No..._'

"Raven!" shouted Robin on top of cries from the other members of the Titans.

"Raven, stop!" Beast Boy screamed, plowing her over in the form of a large green rhinoceros. He changed back as she returned to her normal form, and found himself sitting on the ground, cradling an unconscious Raven in his arms.

"Rae? Hey, Raven?" he shook her slightly, without receiving a response. That was when he noticed the dark liquid shining on part of her cape, and the strong, metallic smell of blood that filled the air around Raven's right hand. He carefully lifted the cut body part and stared at her palm. It wasn't too bad, so long as it didn't get infected.

"We'll get her back to the Tower and treat her there," Cyborg said from above them, causing him to jump. Raven didn't stir.

"Uh... Yeah, okay," Beast Boy replied as he stood, the dark sorceress still cradled in his arms.

* * *

Raven looked around, her eyes flickering slightly as she tried to get focus on... anything. Wait, that couldn't be her eyes flickering. Something, somewhere in her body was telling her that her eyes weren't even open. How could that be? She was looking at, well, she wasn't quite sure what it was she was trying to look at, but at least it was something. 

The Chakra on her forehead glowed slightly black as she prepared herself to use her energies, then died down again as she realized that there was no possible way she could be in danger. Something told her that she was in a peaceful place, safe from anything. Well, she was never fully safe. There were always dangers inside of her. He was always inside of her, and He caused problems and danger.

She groaned and looked around, where on Earth was she?

More looking around, and finally something came into focus. Was that her statue of the theatre masks? But, what was it doing here? She tried to take a step towards it, only to have it vanish as soon as she moved. This was weird.

* * *

Robin sighed and stared at Raven as she slept in the medical lab of Titan's Tower. It just didn't seem right to him, seeing one of his teammates in a comatose state. There hadn't been any success in awakening her. His eyes suddenly flew to her Chakra. He could have sworn that he had seen it glow, just for a second. He refused to believe that it was a trick of the light, as light didn't make red jewels shine black. Was Raven trying to tell him something? 

"Raven," he said softly, shaking her shoulder slightly, while trying to avoid jarring her bandaged right hand.

"Raven," a little louder this time. There was still no response though. Maybe he was overreacting, maybe it had been his eyes, or simply something that she did while sleeping. It wasn't as if he made it part of his daily routine to watch Raven sleep. She slept a whole lot less than he did anyway.

"You still in here? She's going to be fine Robin. Consider this her room for a little while. You know how touchy Raven is about people being in her room," Cyborg said as he came in.

"Why are you here then?" Robin asked blandly, looking up at the half-metal figure of his teammate.

"Going to check her vitals before hitting the sack. It's getting late, and we need to be well rested if we're going to be fighting one person short. You should consider getting some sleep too. BB and Star have already retired," he replied as he recorded some stats from a monitor beside Raven's bed.

Cyborg jumped as something flashed by Raven's head.

"There! Did you see that? Her Chakra flared! I saw it before and thought that I was imagining things," Robin said, pointing.

"Yeah, I saw it. It's probably just a natural reaction," he gestured to the syringe that he had just injected into Raven's arm. "I wouldn't be surprised if she was overly touchy about people injecting things into her."

Robin sighed, "Maybe you're right. I'm overreacting. I think I'll go to bed." He sounded defeated as her turned and exited the room.

Cyborg watched Robin leave before his eyes flickered to Raven's sleeping figure, "Hope you wake up soon Rae..."

* * *

Raven looked around wildly. She could have sworn that she heard voices. Disembodied voices. Talking to her? Or about her? She knew that she had heard her name, but everything was so fuzzy that it was hard to make out. All that she could be sure of was that there had been two male voices talking. Neither could have been Beast Boy, his voice wasn't deep enough. Cyborg and Robin? Why had they been discussing her? 

What was going on?

* * *

**Author's Corner**

Ow... I swear that's the longest chapter that I have ever written. Anyway, how'd you like? I have to admit, this is my first Teen Titans fic, and I think it's turning out good so far. v.v I haven't actually exercised my writing skills since July, so the first few chapters are probably going to be rocky. I'll probably end up editing this chapter eventually. You may also notice that the same character will change throughout the story. Mainly because I mold characters so that they fit into the role that they need to play, and because I have to get used to writing a character before they become concrete in the way I'm going to write them. Please bare with me!

As for updates, I'd say that I'll probably be able to get a chapter up every couple of weeks, depending on my homework loads and depending on whether I get writers block or not. (Writers blockwould bewhen I don't updatein over a month.)

I'll love reviewers forever, and I give out cookies!


	2. A Flitting Fear

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other peoples characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

**Summary:** Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter Two – A Flitting Fear_

Raven wandered aimlessly, never seeming to move, while at the same time, the scenery around her would change drastically. She had been to what felt like a half a million places; under the lake that surrounded Titan's Tower, inside the sanctuary of her bedroom, even in the cave where Terra's stone form was. At one point, she swore that she was back on Azarath, and her Chakra pulsed angrily before the scenery changed yet again.

Now she was floating in a place that looked distinctly like the recesses of her mind when she entered into it through her mirror. It was identical down to the placement of the last rock, not that she actually paid attention to where each of the stones lay, it was more her mindset at the moment which was driving her to think on things such as these.

She grimaced and her hand found her forehead – she tried to ignore the scenery change, but she couldn't help but wonder how she had wound up on the shoreline of Titan's Tower. The sudden transportations were starting to become a nuisance, and she wasn't sure if she would be able to solve it, as she had no idea what could possibly be going on.

Something was, and had been, telling her that nothing around her was real, but her brain couldn't be working properly. How could she be seeing something that was unreal? She had thought that she was dreaming, but was it really possible to be stuck in a dream for this long? All of these unanswered questions were starting to frustrate her.

Her ears suddenly twitched, and she jumped and looked around as a disembodied voice floated into her hearing range. "…e's sti… …ping…" It was most definitely Cyborg's voice, but what was he saying? It was too broken up for her to properly make out. If only she could… Do what? Wake up? She wasn't sleeping, was she?

* * *

"She's still sleeping, B. I'm not sure when she'll wake up." Cyborg said, watching the green changeling. The teen was just sitting there, staring at Raven, the same as he had been doing almost constantly for two days. It was kind of cute really. 

Titan's Tower had been extremely quiet and subdued since Raven had lost consciousness. No one seemed to be able to chase the feeling that their friend might never wake again, since Cyborg had discovered that it was only a mental condition keeping her down, and nothing that could be solved by simply hitting a few keys on a computer, or by wrapping a cast around an injury.

"She'll wake up when she's ready," Cyborg said, watching Beast Boy's face and trying to gauge the reaction that he might receive for the comment that he had made so many times before. The reaction wasn't anything new or unexpected.

"Dude, you're acting like I've gone crazy worrying about her. Raven can take care of herself," Beast Boy grinned, though it was false and forced, and left the room through the sliding door, which 'whooshed' as it closed.

Cyborg sighed, finding himself alone with Raven. Beast Boy was lying to himself, and the team knew it, even if he himself didn't. No one would dare bring the topic up to him though; for fear that he would lock himself in his room, or do something drastic. It had always been obvious that Beast Boy had something greater than a crush on Raven, though he had never done much about it, especially after Terra had come along, but now that she was gone, and Raven was 'gone' as well, anything could happen with Beast Boy.

"You've gotta wake up Rae… The team's really worried."

* * *

'Worried… Worried… Worried… …ied… Worr…" The word echoed through her head over and over again, though she wasn't quite sure why the phrase had come through so clearly, nor did she have any idea why anyone would be so worried about her. The team clearly was though, perhaps that was why she had been hearing the disembodied voices saying her name so much? 

Could her suspicions of a lack of consciousness be true? It was truly turning out to be the only logical explanation that she could think of to explain this situation. But then, how long had she been unconscious? It didn't feel like very long, perhaps an hour or two. But how long was it going to last? A day? A month? A year? How long would her team wait before they started to believe that she wouldn't recover?

The most annoying part of this was that she wanted to awaken, and couldn't find a way to. Her eyes – her real eyes, not those that she used here – refused to open, and it was starting to drive her crazy.

Crazy… That was a new thought. What if she was really losing it? She could be actually in her room and hallucinating this whole thing, and everything that happened here. Was that logical? If it was the truth though, then it meant that she was hearing things, as the other Titans knew far better than to just saunter into her room uninvited.

But… Why was she here then? Was it a punishment for something? She didn't think that she had done anything wrong, but then, she didn't seem to have any memory of what had happened just before she ended up here. Mentally grimacing, she managed to persuade herself that teasing Beast Boy didn't count as doing something wrong. After all, if he didn't act stupid, then she would have no reason to treat him as if he were an imbecile – which he was, and would remain forever as far as she was concerned. He would have to do something miraculous to change her view of him in that way.

But this was ridiculous. She was letting her thoughts wander through her mind, and loiter on things that didn't matter, and so didn't deserve to be loitered on at the moment. Beast Boy wasn't here, and she was fairly convinced that he had nothing to do with the mess that she was in, and so, that made him one of those things that really didn't matter.

'_Involved? No, he couldn't be. Or is he…?_' She thought to herself as something green flashed past her eyes, startling her. It took the form of the green changeling as it stopped just a few feet away from her.

"Beast Boy!" she exclaimed, or tried to anyway. Her throat felt dry, and parched, as if she hadn't used it in a few days. Not really something to worry about though, as Beast Boy was ignoring her anyway.

He was looking in her direction, but seeming not to hear her. He simply stood there, staring, almost as if he were staring through her. It was strange actually. No jokes? No comments? No lame attempts to make her smile?

"Beast Boy!" She said again, her voice hoarse to her ears, her throat burning. His eyes seemed to focus on her, and then he grinned and gestured for her to follow him. Follow him where? She wasn't sure, and was about to ask when he began to move.

Saving her breath, she took one step, and then another, surprised, but relieved that he hadn't disappeared in the same way that everything else did whenever she moved in this place. At least something was normal.

"Wait… Please," She muttered, wondering why he was moving so quickly, and she was moving so slowly. He seemed to be getting further and further away, taking three steps for each one of hers. Finally, gesturing to her one last time, he disappeared from sight. Raven sighed and sank to the ground. She was alone yet again.

It wasn't as if she minded being alone, and occasionally – usually – she'd even try to be alone. This though, was far too much. It was one thing to be alone when you are in your room, and know that friends – people – are just down the hall. It was another thing completely to be stuck where she was now, lost somewhere with no way of communicating and your friends seemingly taunting you with broken phrases, and short appearances.

How she hated this!

* * *

"Friend Raven has been with alack of consciousness for too long. I worry for her," Starfire said, her green eyes taking in the recreation room around her, which was occupied only by herself and Robin. Cyborg was in the garage, working on the T-Car, or maybe another creation of the same sort, and Beast Boy had locked himself inside his room. She wasn't quite sure why Beast Boy had chosen to do that. Surely he would rejoice at being able to cause noise and mischief without having to worry about bothering Raven? 

"She's strong. She'll be alright," Robin replied, as much to reassure himself as to reassure the alien girl. The team was definitely straining with the knowledge of Raven's condition weighing down on them. It could change at any moment, for the better or for the worse, and no one wanted her to be alone when it happened. What if she woke up and was disoriented? What if she began to have problems breathing? There were too many 'ifs' riding on her condition, and it had everyone on edge.

* * *

Raven started as she noticed a red eyed something leering at her through the fog that had settled on the mountain path that she had found herself standing on. She wasn't quite sure how she had arrived in the mountains, but it was a change from what she had become used to in this place, and had been enjoyable until it had become foggy. At least most things had begun to hold their places, though if this were simply because mountains couldn't go for walks, she wasn't sure. 

The scenery however, wasn't what was currently bothering her. No, she figured that it was probably far more important to worry about the four glowing eyes that were staring at her and coming ever closer through the fog. Why did these things always show up in places where there was the least room to run?

"Stay back," Raven snarled in warning, spreading her hands apart as a way of readying herself for battle. She wasn't sure that she would actually be able to fight in this place, but it would be a good idea to be prepared for anything.

The creature didn't respond to her warning, unless the low and rather threatening growl that the figure made was supposed to count as one. She took a few steps backward as the creature moved forward, still shrouded in the fog. That was beginning to bother her. Why did the bad guys always have the advantage of weather?

"Get away!" She exclaimed. She had figured out what it was a while back, but the severity of her situation was just starting to sink in. She was moving, it wasn't disappearing, and her surroundings weren't changing. Obviously, something was controlling it, most likely, something that liked to inconvenience her. But her worry was Him. How had He escaped? Was she losing herself to Him?

It couldn't be happening, it had to be impossible. He couldn't have escaped the fortress that she had him in, couldn't have escaped her mind. Which left only one explanation. She was inside. Inside her head, inside her mind. She didn't know how she had arrived here, but that was a question for another time. Right now, she had to deal with her father.

"_Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos_!" Raven murmured, her voice growing in a mounting intensity as she chanted the words that had solved so many problems in the past.

The black aura that poured from her hands however, did nothing to stop the demon from moving forward, and Raven found herself pushed back against the rocky mountain face, successfully ignoring the stones that jutted into her back.

Why was he remaining solid? Why couldn't he just disappear like everything else did when she wandered here? She looked around, desperately hoping that the scenery would give her a space to fight, and – though she would never admit it to herself – the space to run.

As she thought it, the scenery did indeed change, and she found herself in a grassy field, with the occasional patch of… Were those black roses? Something hit her in the back, throwing her forward and she felt tempted to pull her hair out at the realization that this place was seriously chipping at her concentration.

Ignoring the bruising that was surely forming on her back, Raven rolled over and threw up her aura to create a shield around her, while she searched for the antagonist. He wasn't very hard to miss, now that there was no fog around to hide him. It was actually a very strange sight to see a large demon standing in the middle of a field with the sun beating down. Wait, where had that sun come from? Had it been there when she first arrived?

She actually pulled out a few hairs this time, - damn her lack ofconcentration! - And swore to herself that she would meditate as soon as Trigon disappeared.

She allowed her barrier to fall and threw out a crackling beam of black energy, which was quickly countered by Trigon's own shot, a much stronger beam of gold. Raven couldn't even blink before she found herself sprawled on a rose bush. Luckily, the adrenaline pulsing in her system masked the pain that she was sure would come later, and she stood and once again focused the demon in front of her.

"Go back to where you belong," she growled, holding up her hands. Magic began to form around them before she even began to chant. "_Azarath, Metrion… Zinthos_!" Raven was forcing as much energy as she could into the beam that now shot from her hands, a beam far larger than the last.

The thing on the receiving end hissed as he was pushed backwards, causing long scrapes in the ground from the dragging of his claws through the earth. However, before it could actually begin to harm him, he vanished from sight, and once again, the scenery changed. Raven sighed as she found herself standing in a replica of the recreation room in Titan's Tower.

* * *

"Hey, Cy?" Beast Boy said, looking into the garage where Cyborg was bent over the open hood of the T-Car, adjusting something on the engine. The half-man, half-robot, looked up as his green teammate walked in. 

"Something wrong, B?" He asked, watching the changeling carefully. One of the things that Cyborg had predicted had already come true – Beast Boy had locked himself in his room. He didn't want to be the cause of some sort of depression or suicide.

However, Beast Boy didn't look depressed at all. Maybe a little nervous, but at the same time, extremely proud of himself.

"Nothing's wrong, but I think I have an idea of how we can help Raven. What about her mirror?" He raised his eyebrows hopefully, thinking of the 'beauty mirror' that served as an entrance into Raven's mind.

Cyborg stared. It was a good idea, and it could probably work. Why hadn't he thought of it? They could be helping Raven already! She could have awoken already if this had been thought of before, and if not, they'd at least be able to speak to her and to let her know what was going on. Wait. What was he thinking? Raven would kill them!

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Do you realize what Raven would do to us!" Cyborg swore his eyes were popping, as he stared at a patient Beast Boy. The changeling had apparently been expecting the reaction.

"She didn't do anything last time, remember?" Beast Boy said stubbornly, while Cyborg sighed.

"She wanted to. Besides, we'd have to break two rules. The first, trespassing into her room, the second, trespassing into her mind. And the last time was an accident anyway. It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't gone into her room." Cyborg wasn't going to let Beast Boy talk him into this. There was no way.

"You made me! I had to 'apologize' remember? Anyway, she could be in trouble! What if she's in danger? Her mind isn't exactly the safest place you could be." Beast Boy changed into his kitten form and looked pleadingly up at Cyborg.

"Do I look like Starfire? That's not going to work on me. Besides, Raven can take care of herself." There he was, saying that damn phrase again. It was starting to bother him, and he was the one who was saying it! Well, he said it when Robin wasn't saying it. Why did every conversation tend to come to Raven having the ability to care for herself?

He shook his head and looked at Beast Boy, who had since regained human form, and was beginning to speak once again.

"But– but- Come on, Cy! It's worth the risk, isn't it?"

Cyborg growled, ready to say that it wasn't, then sighed when he realized what it was that he had been about to say. Of course it was worth it. They were talking about Raven here. She was a part of their team, a part of their 'family,' and trying to save her was worth her yelling at you, right?

"Fine, we'll go. But you're taking all of the blame if she decides that this is reason to get angry." He couldn't believe what he was saying. He had just agreed to waltz into Raven's room, the most forbidden place in the entire Tower. She never let anyone in there! Well, not usually anyway. There had been some exceptions, like that Malchior guy… But that wasn't really something to think about.

Beast Boy was bouncing happily, obviously accepting that he had to take the blame, and he looked ready to leave and start on their 'adventure.' Cyborg really didn't think that this was a good idea.

"We'll stop by the medical lab first, let her know what we're going to try. She may be able to hear us, and if she wakes up, then won't have to go anywhere." Cyborg nodded to himself as he spoke.

Beast Boy nodded and led the way from the room, still bouncing slightly, starting to make Cyborg believe that the only reason that he wasn't depressed was because he had got into caffeine. Or maybe he had gone into Raven's herbal tea and added too much sugar. Either way, the changeling seemed to be more than a little hyper.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" Cyborg asked a few minutes later, as they arrived in front of the door to the medical lab.

Beast Boy nodded yet again, "Stop trying to talk me out of it. I'm determined to help Raven." He stepped through the doorway as the door opened with a soft 'whoosh,' and walked straight to Raven's bedside, gasping in horror as he saw shiny burn markings on her pale skin.

"Raven!" He exclaimed, torn between helping her, and not touching her due to the injuries. His hand hovered nervously, and he looked to Cyborg for help.

The half-mechanical teen was already punching numbers into the computer that Raven was hooked up to. "I can't find the cause. It's almost as if she was attacked, or was fighting something."

"Or she hurt herself. Her powers don't like, build up if they're not used or something, do they?" Beast Boy actually looked worried - over Raven. Boy, he had it bad.

"I doubt it. Maybe she was fighting something, and because she doesn't have a physical body wherever she is, the injuries showed up here instead." Cyborg replied, thinking aloud as he answered the question.

"This just gives us more reason to go help her," Beast Boy responded. Determination was written into his features, and Cyborg nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

**Author's Corner**

And the award for the 'Lamest Chapter Ending' goes to… Me!

Eh… I'll work on it. Damn those chapter endings, and damn punctuation. Punctuation is evil:Attends a punctuation burning ceremony:

Okay, so I've kind of left this chapter hanging. I didn't really want to leave it like that, but I didn't want to have the mirror thing in this chapter because it would have made it far too long.

**Edit **– I apologize for the delayed update. I had this chapter finished ages ago, but when I went to upload, I discovered that my internet had crashed because my hard-drive was worm infested. It's all better now, so hopefully it won't happen again…

_To my reviewers…_

Sparrowing – I'll try not to let the writer's block at me. My 'proof-reader' won't let me anyway… She'd like... attack me if I decided to discontinue this one. And I know the feeling, I'm impatient too!

TrigunChic – Thank you! And yes, I do realize that it's jumpy and choppy, but I'm working on it, promise. :)

I love you all! -

Completed – 11/21/04

Uploaded – 12/02/2004


	3. Adventure

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators at DCcomics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

**Summary:** Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter Three – Adventure_

Raven sighed drearily as she looked around. She had heard the voices again. She winced, as just thinking about it made her wonder if she were going insane. But Beast Boy's voice had been extremely loud in exclaiming her name, and she thought that she had detected worry in the tone as well. Was that normal? She supposed so. After all, she had managed to deduct that there was something wrong with her real body. Had these damned wounds appeared on her physical form as well? It was more than likely.

She sighed and looked down, regarding her hands thoughtfully. They were covered in burn markings and blisters, and were painful to move. It was painful to use her powers as well, something that she had discovered when trying to experiment after the incident. It wasn't fair, shouldn't she be exempted from the pain?

Another thing she had found while inspecting her injuries was the strangest thing. A long gash in her right palm that she didn't remember acquiring. At first, she had believed that it had been caused by the thorn of a rose, which had perhaps cut into her hand when she had been knocked backwards into a rose bush, but a second glance had told her that it was far too clean of a cut. Thorns caused nasty gashes and rips, but this wound was clean and straight, as if done by paper, a knife, or maybe a shard of glass. She had also realized that it was older, far further in healing than it would have been, had it been a fresh wound.

Maybe it was a connection to whatever had sent her into this strange, dream-like state. Had she been in a fight and then knocked unconscious? That was a logical explanation to how she had gotten here, and would explain what was going on, though it still didn't give a reason as to why she wasn't able to awaken.

She sighed and levitated into a meditative position, crossing her legs Indian style and resting her elbows on her knees. She calmly shut her eyes and focused on regaining her sense of concentration and on clearing her mind so that it wouldn't wander again at a critical point. After all, that was all it seemed to be doing lately.

"_Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos… Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…"

* * *

_

"So the theory is, that we should be able to talk to Raven by going through there, right?" Cyborg asked, looking warily at the mirror that lay on the dressing table in front of himself and Beast Boy.

"Yeah. We did last time, remember?" Beast Boy said, reaching for the handle of the precious object.

Cyborg knocked his hand away before it could come into contact with the mirror's handle, "Raven found and saved _our_ butts last time. It wasn't the other way around, or did you forget that minor detail?" He asked the changeling, annoyance present in the tone of his voice. "What if we aren't so lucky this time?"

"Come on dude, Raven _needs_ us. We'll find our way out eventually, whether she helps or not, don't back out on me now," Beast Boy's green eyes had taken on a glare that Cyborg had thought only Raven was capable of.

"I'm not backing out. I'm just giving you a rundown of everything and anything that could possibly go wrong. Now, we'll go, and everything I've listed will happen, as well as more, come to think of it."

Beast Boy shrugged nonchalantly, "Dude, we've fought worse things than Raven's head. Stop making excuses and let's go!" The younger teen lifted the mirror into his hands and stared into the reflective glass as he had done so long ago.

"What sets that thing off anyway?" Cyborg asked idly, clearly torn between wanting it to work, and wishing that it didn't so that he would have nothing to do with this. He did however, place his hand on Beast Boy's shoulder so that he would also be grabbed if, and when, the mirror became hostile.

"I don't know…" Beast Boy broke off as four familiar, glowing red eyes appeared in the pane of glass. "Holding it?" He suggested with a slight 'eep,' as the two of them were ensnared and dragged into a black portal.

* * *

Raven stared around, confusion on her features. There had been a force that had shattered her trance, but what could it have possibly been? There didn't seem to be anything unusual, well, nothing anymore unusual than what seemed to be normal here. However, she could sense that something simply wasn't right. Something, or potentially something, was invading her defenses, and making her senses crazy. 

Her eyes darted around the area, but she saw nothing. There was nothing around that she could see, which was saying something, seeing as she could easily see for miles all around. Of course, the creature could have been invisible, which would be more than likely with the luck that she had been having lately.

She shook her head to rid herself of the lingering pessimistic thought and looking wearily across her surroundings again before regaining her meditative state.

* * *

Beast Boy grimaced as he examined the area. Either he had forgotten what it was like to be here, or else Raven had become more confusing and dark, not to mention morbid and somewhat gruesome, since the last time that he and Cyborg had 'paid a visit.' 

At the same time though, the place was being far friendlier to them. They hadn't met up with any of the evil, demonic, red-eyes birds, nor had they been attacked by her angry, demon side. Best of all, they hadn't met up with the overly happy side of Raven. Of course, these things would have been made a hundred times better if they could just _find_ Raven.

"Where is she? How do you _hide_ inside your own head?" Beast Boy asked in a grumbling tone.

Cyborg stared at him blankly, "She might not have realized that she'd unconscious. She could be wandering around, completely lost, and wondering where she is," the older teen replied, frowning slightly.

"Come on, Cy. Raven's way smarter than that. I bet she knows the most that a person can possibly know about the inside of their head. I mean, she goes for walks _through_ it," a grin occupied most of the changeling's face. "I wonder where her memories are kept." He looked around, as if expecting a sign to appear and point the way for them.

"We're not here to invade her privacy! What would you do to Raven if she went sifting through your head?" Cyborg exclaimed, staring at Beast Boy with his human eye popping. The guy was crazy, he had to be. Didn't he realize that Raven would skin him alive?

"I was kidding! I don't want Raven to kill me! Although, she wouldn't know if she wasn't around…" he trailed off and smirked maliciously. "You know that you want to know more about her, and what better way then to know all about her childhood?" His voice was daring, almost goading, as if he knew that there was no way Cyborg could resist something like this, but also that there was no way he could let himself agree.

"Man, think about how Raven acts now. Do you really want to find out what caused her to be so dark and Gothic?" The half-robot asked blandly with an unrecognizable tinge to his voice. Was he nervous?

"Okay, okay, I get it. We won't bother trying to find the Raven's past, because _Cyborg_ is too scared," Beast Boy said, smirking as he began walking off in a different direction. He had him, he knew it.

"That's ri- Hey! I'm not scared! I don't want Raven to kill _you_!" Cyborg said in protest.

Beast Boy waved a hand dismissively and obviously in disbelief. "Sure. Well, if I promise to distract her and take all of the blame if _by chance_ she manages to catch us, will you help me?" He asked, smiling up at Cyborg.

Cyborg hesitated, "I suppose I've come this far… Fine, though she'll probably kill the both of us anyway, no matter who takes the blame. So… Where do you think her memory banks are?"

Beast Boy shrugged, then jumped as the scenery changed from the normal, rocks floating in the middle of nowhere, to a strange, grassy field which was spotted with rose bushes, complete with black roses. There was a figure floating cross-legged in the distance, apparently meditating.

"Raven!" Cyborg called, taking a step forward, something that he soon discovered was a big mistake. The scenery changed again in a flash and the two teenage boys found themselves in 'the land where air fresheners come from.'

"Great, we see her, call her name, and get instantly transported elsewhere. What's her problem?" Beast Boy asked, looking around with disgust painted on his face.

Cyborg looked around, "I don't think that it was her fault. I think it just happened, because why would Raven move us to somewhere where she's unable to watch us? Anyway, at least we know that she's in some field… somewhere."

"Yeah, but where? That field could be anywhere! And what if Raven's moved like we were!" Beast Boy exclaimed, making wild gestures with his arms.

"It was your idea to come, remember? Stop complaining, besides, wasn't there something you wanted to do? Not that I'm insisting on it, nor am I suggesting that it's a good idea…"

"Right! Off to find Raven's memories!" And with a nearly ecstatic grin, Beast Boy began to march off down the gently worn path in the ground, and hopefully out of the far-too-cheerful area that they were in. Cyborg reluctantly trailed behind, looking around as if trying to find a way out of this.

* * *

"Where do you think Cyborg and Beast Boy went? It's weird for them to go so long without playing a video game, or fighting over something for that matter," Robin wondered aloud. He was standing near the large window that took up one of the walls in the recreation room of Titan's Tower and simply staring out through it, his mind too preoccupied to sit down on the couch and turn on the television. 

"Maybe they are visiting our friend," Starfire said softly, looking up from the Tamaranian dish that she was preparing. She was sensitive to Robin's feelings about the matter of Raven's state, and knew that they reflected her own, though she hadn't yet been able to tell what he blamed for the accident. She desperately hoped that he didn't blame himself, as it was something that Robin would do. "It is a strange time, friend Robin, so it makes sense for friends Beast Boy and Cyborg to be acting strangely, does it not?"

"I guess…" Robin replied, his voice slowly fading away and dying into a gentle sigh as he spoke.

Starfire walked slowly over and stood next to him, "Please, do not blame yourself, friend Robin. It was an accident, and friend Raven will awaken soon. I am sure of it. And I am also sure that Beast Boy and Cyborg are just fine as well." She said calmly, hoping to be reassuring.

Robin looked at her, his dark mask hiding any expression that may have been showing in his eyes at that moment. "I hope you're right, Star."

* * *

Raven's eyes darted around. She knew that she had heard her voice, and it hadn't been fuzzy, broken or faded in anyway, which could only mean one thing – there was someone here, somewhere. Pushing the attempted communication aside, Raven began to ponder on who would dare to pass through her defenses. It couldn't have been a 'normal' person, mainly because there was no way that they would even be able to enter Titan's Tower, let alone get near enough to her, even if said person _did_ have some sort of telekinetic ability. 

So that narrowed it down to one of her fellow Titans, or potentially a super villain who was bursting with overconfidence. Easily eliminating the thought if it being a super villain, Raven was able to figure that it had to have been one – or more – of her team mates, which meant that they had been transported through her mirror. Now, to deduct who was wandering around her mind, unchecked.

There was no way that it was Robin. He respected her want – and need – of privacy far too much to simply invade her like this. Besides, to her knowledge, he didn't know anything about her mirror, and quite frankly, she hoped that it stayed that way.

The next person was Starfire. Though more likely than Robin because she had a much higher curiousity level, Starfire was still very unlikely. She knew enough about Raven that she would have no need to come through the mirror, and also respected the privacy and shelter that she kept around her room.

The remaining people were Beast Boy and Cyborg. How had she known that it would come down to them eventually? They knew about the mirror, and Beast Boy never left her alone, ever. So plainly, they were the only invaders on her list who made sense.

She sighed, exasperated. The last people she wanted running around her mind, unchecked, were Beast Boy and Cyborg. Mainly Beast Boy. He wanted to know far too many things that he had no right to know, and sneaking around here without her being able to stop him would be the easiest way to do so. Wasn't life just great?

* * *

Beast Boy cursed to himself as he and Cyborg walked along, him in the lead. He wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but somehow, they had become lost. He could feel Cyborg glaring through his back as a result of his inability to find his way around. He didn't feel that it was fair though. It wasn't_ really_ his fault that they were lost, as Cyborg could have taken the lead at any time, and there was no way that it could have been Beast Boy's fault that he hadn't. Except for of course, that one point where Cyborg said they should turn down another path, and Beast Boy refused to do so. But that was beside the point. 

All Beast Boy was really worried about was that they hadn't managed to find Raven's memories yet. There really _was_ a reason as to why he wanted to find out all he could about Raven, though he couldn't figure out what that reason was, and would never admit to himself that he was simply a curious person. He just wanted to know everything that he could know about Raven, without her actually knowing that he knew. It would be like learning a secret that was trusted to someone else. Of course, he wasn't exactly sure what that felt like, as not many people trusted him with their secrets.

Right now though, there was more to worry about. Mainly the fact that they were incredibly lost somewhere deep within the deepest depths of Raven's mind. Beast Boy scanned the area with obvious boredom. The place was completely deserted.

Or was it? His eyes darted to the flash of movement that they had caught onto, and widened at the …thing that had captured his attention. It seemed to be some sort of bat, but someone's warped mind – not referring to Raven, of course not! – had altered the creature in a rather strange manner.

It still looked mostly like a normal, fruit eating bat. It had the same, deep brown, almost black colouring, and the same large ears and leathery wings. However, regular fruit bats didn't have beady black eyes with red shines, nor did they have fangs protruding from their upper lips. And surely it wasn't normal for a bat to have ragged wings and a deep, crimson liquid glistening around the mouth that looked oddly like blood?

He cowered back slightly as the creatures beady eyes fixed on him with a rather cruel look. "Uh, Cy? Are you seeing this thing? I think it wants to hurt me." He said, turning an eye to his companion without looking away from the bat.

"What did you expect? It's Raven's mind, and since she wants to hurt you 99 of the time, why shouldn't the strange demonic looking creatures who live in her head?" Cyborg asked, though he too was watching the creature with a cautious eye.

"_Trespassers beware…_" the small thing said in a sort of a hiss. Beast Boy jumped and stared. This couldn't be good. It wasn't natural for bats to warn people about trespassing – it wasn't natural for them to speak at all! But of course, he couldn't help his curiousity.

"What's there to beware of? What am I trespassing on?" The green-eyes teen asked, still watching the bat carefully.

"_Trespassers beware…_" The thing said again, apparently unable to say anything except for the one line.

Beast Boy took a step forward, and then another. Clearly, the creature wasn't dangerous, just something there to warn off 'trespassers.' The fangs did look rather threatening though.

Two more steps, and just when Beast Boy thought that he would be safe, the thing swooped and went in for an attack. Beast Boy somehow managed to duck just in time. "Okay, so it's not so harmless." He said aloud while listening to the clicking noise of Cyborg transforming his arm to his cannon.

"You just had to provoke it, didn't you?" Cyborg asked, sending a blue-white blast flying at the creature. It let out a hiss as it flew to the side, its' wing singing slightly, and soared towards Cyborg, fangs outstretched.

Beast Boy didn't reply to the obviously rhetorical comment, and instead opted to change into an eagle and chasing after the bat with his beak snapping open and shut. Until, of course, the bat disappeared and reappeared behind Beast Boy, managing to take a chunk out of his tail feathers before Cyborg clipped it again with his cannon, and it finally disappeared.

"Oww…" Beast Boy muttered, having regained human form. He sat on the ground, rubbing his butt and making a face that explained it as sore. "So, what was it guarding?" He looked up and ahead, to where there was a strange arch-like gateway, with a strange, swirling black and gray portal in the centre.

"Jackpot…" Beast Boy murmured as something that looked like a child's small hand came halfway out of the portal before being sucked back inside of it.

* * *

Yes! Finally finished chapter 3! I've been working on this thing forever… Since before chapter 2 was uploaded. v.v It was really hard to think of ideas for this chapter that would make it long enough with out inserting things from the next chapter into it, but I managed, even if it I somewhat shorter than the other chapters. I can almost guarantee that chapter 4 will be one of the longest, as there are quite a few things that I want to do for it. 

**Edit **- Line breaks look horrible because they weren't working when I tried to put them in after uploading... I'll fix them eventually...

**Edit(2)** - Yay! They're working again!

_To my reviewers…_

TrigunChic – Thanks. :) Still working on it though, cause I can't be satisfied until I find my writing flawless. Which will never, ever happen, but I can dream…

Jade-Monsoons – Yep! Gotta have the fluff once and a while! However, I'm about as good at writing romance as I am at battle scenes. Which isn't very good at all…

disappearer – I love getting inside the characters heads when I write, because I know that when I'm reading, I love to see what a character is thinking. However, like I said to Jade-Monsoons – I'm no good at writing romance.

Skye – Yay! Thanks!

stella-s55 – Thank you, and I'll be sure to. (I hope.)

:puts out a plate of cookies:

-----------

Completed – 08/12/04

Uploaded – 08/12/04


	4. Dreams and Realities

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators at DCcomics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

**Summary:** Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter 4 – Dreams and Realities_

Beast Boy stared longingly at the portal, attempting to rush toward it, but finding it a nearly impossible feat because Cyborg had a firm grip on his upper arm. So firm that it was actually beginning to hurt. The green changeling struggled against the hold without any actual progress.

"You don't know what's in there! And what if there's no way out?" Cyborg exclaimed, simply staring at the portal whist refusing to let Beast Boy rush through.

"There's gotta be a way out, 'cause there's a way in. Anyway, I'm sure that Raven goes in there all the time and she hasn't gotten stuck yet," Beast Boy replied stubbornly, unwilling to give up, since he knew that he was right.

"She doesn't go in there. No one goes in there. Raven doesn't like to remember her past," a voice said as a figure dressed in a glimmering, silvery robe, stepped out from the shadows.

"Who're you?" Beast Boy asked, staring at the figure who had dared shoot down his theory. It had been a great theory! Of course, it could easily be left up to Raven's emotions to shoot down anything the _he_ said. They _were_ a part of Raven, after all.

The figure blushed prettily and looked down at her silver clad feet. Her short, lavender hair fell around her face, hiding it from view. "Raven," was all she said in response. Beast Boy was rather surprised that she hadn't made a remark towards the thoughts that he knew she had probably read.

Cyborg seemed to be analyzing her, probably as interested in her as Beast Boy himself was. "Which side? What emotion do you represent? And why are you all the way down here where no living creature seems to walk? We haven't seen _any_ of you since we got here. Only a freaky bat."

The figure looked back up, then sighed and hung her head again. It was strange to see Raven so …down, even knowing that it was only a personification of her, and not actually the real thing. "The creature which you met is called Imagaor, who is the guardian of the memories, whom I take care of because I have no other purpose. Raven has no want of me, and so, she suppresses me the most, after Anger of course."

"You aren't _Friendship_ by any chance, are you?" Beast Boy asked, cocking his head to the side.

The figure shook her head, giggling a bit. "Friendship isn't an emotion, it is simply a feeling that humans have towards other humans. I suppose that in a way I am supposed to assist that process but…" A faint blush still stained her cheeks as she looked back down at her feet.

Cyborg blinked, "You're a personification of Love! Raven's love emotion!" He exclaimed.

The figure nodded and looked up again, with the slight expression of nervousness on her features, and Beast Boy couldn't help wondering why this particular emotion seemed to be a sort of – blend – of many different emotions, almost as if she were an entity completely different from Raven. Then again, it was true that love was a complicated emotion.

"I suppose I can see Raven not liking you too much. Love's a strong emotion, and she's always worried about showing too much of any emotion," Cyborg said. Love however, didn't seem to be paying any attention. She was too busy staring past Cyborg and at Beast Boy.

'Woah… She's like… Staring at me. Why do I interest her? Raven _hates_ me!' Beast Boy thought. The robed figure blinked her violet eyes and looked away from the changeling, clearly, she had heard that thought. Either that, or she sensed that he was uncomfortable with her gaze.

"I-I should go. Be careful in there… Please…" Love said, her eyes meeting Beast Boy's gaze before she turned and began to return to the deep shadows of Raven's mind.

"Wait! Could you come with us? We really could use a sort of guide, you know, so we don't get lost. And maybe you could help us find Raven after. We know she's in here somewhere," Beast Boy said, reaching out and catching on to the back of the flowing silver material that hung from the personified emotion's shoulders.

"Raven wouldn't want it," she replied, shaking her head. However, she was smiling gently as she watched Beast Boy, her eyes daring him to continue. It was actually worrying Beast boy a bit, as he knew that Raven would kill him if she ever found out about this. But then, she wouldn't right?

"Who cares what Raven wants? You're part of her, so you should get a say too!" He exclaimed, knowing it could very well be the quote that ended his life, or put him forever at the top of Raven's smite list. It didn't matter though. He did not agree with the way Raven lived her life, though really he had no say in it what-so-ever. The Gothic girl was never open with anyone, kept to herself far too often, was far too quiet and _never_ smiled. At least, she didn't direct any of her rare smiles at him. And it was really no wonder if she was going around keeping emotions like Love far at the back of her mind, as if it didn't matter at all.

Love blinked and giggled again, "I suppose that it couldn't hurt." She responded with a smile, turning to face the portal. "But I'm warning you, most of the memories that you will come into contact with aren't very pleasant."

Beast Boy frowned, wondering why that would be. Maybe unpleasant memories surfaced in Raven's mind more often, or they fought harder to get out? That would explain why Raven was always so grouchy, she had nothing happy to reflect on. And of course she would hold back anything happy that she could remember, because she had the mindset that emotions were bad. Especially happy ones.

It was too much to try and understand the way Raven's mind worked, even while actually standing and lingering within it, so Beast Boy simply looked at Love and shrugged. "It's Raven. We weren't expecting anything happy."

* * *

Raven paced in a circle, trampling and re-trampling the long stemmed grass that she had been walking back and forth across for what felt like ages, though had probably been only a few minutes. Something within her mind was forcing her to dwell on a certain person that she had no wish to dwell upon, and it was beginning to bother her. 

She growled as the alien feeling of affection rose and fell within her again. She felt like she would burst. Why couldn't she suppress that cursed emotion that called itself Love? She was going to kill Beast Boy and Cyborg when she found them. They had to be behind this somehow, and were obviously doing something that they shouldn't have been doing.

She grumbled to herself, annoyed, as the feeling bubbled up again. How _dare_ Love approach them? She should know better, should realize what she was doing. Raven focused angrily on the feeling, and on pushing it back to where it belonged, hoping to move it away from wherever her fellow Titans were, but she had little success. She was scarcely concentrating, since her mind was preoccupied, and it was making it easy for the emotion to resist with little effort on her part. Curse her!

* * *

Beast Boy stepped up to the portal, preparing himself to walk through it. Cyborg was standing just behind him, and Love was next to him, her own eyes focused on the swirling vortex. He looked down at her for support, unsure in his decision now that he was faced with actually going through with it. Love smiled up at him – still strange, as she had that striking resemblance to Raven – and slipped a small, fragile hand into Beast Boy's green one. 

His eyes flickered slightly. The first thing that he had felt had been small calluses, as if from burns, and it struck him that because of her condition, Raven's emotions had been affected by whatever had attacked her. But that wasn't the major concern here – Raven was holding his hand!

"Uh…" he began, startled. Love only giggled with a small blush before beginning to lead him through the portal. Beast Boy wasn't ready though, and quickly pulled her back. "I don't think…"

"Oh no. You're not backing out now. Move it," Cyborg said, prodding the green teenager forward.

Beast Boy turned his head to glare, but stepped through anyway with Raven's love emotion by his side and Cyborg following behind. It was a strange feeling to be swallowed by a portal, and Beast Boy now felt himself experiencing it once again. It wasn't really the main attraction though and Beast Boy found himself stunned and disoriented by the scene that he had walked in on.

It took him a moment to realize that it was actually a memory and not something that was actually happening as he looked on helplessly. For he was watching as Raven approached a towering, demonic figure whom Beast Boy vaguely remembered as Trigon, Raven's demon father. Raven seemed determined as she walked, though she looked very unsure about what she was doing. The latter was apparent from the tears leaking slowly down her cheeks.

"Don't do this, Raven!" shouted a woman's voice from a crowd of onlookers that had just appeared in the memory. Though the crowd was very blurred and sometimes not even there, this woman stood out, as clear as Trigon himself. She was a young woman, and it seemed that Raven had wanted to preserve the image of her above all else that was at this ruined site.

Raven's head turned toward the woman who had spoken, and her hood fell from her head to reveal to all her tear streaked face and as she did so, Beast Boy's mind processed a sudden realization. Raven and the strange woman looked very much alike. They shared the same hair type, though while Raven's was lavender, the woman's was a deep shade of ebony, they had the same eye shape, and startlingly dark eye colouring and their faces were very much the same. Beast Boy had found himself staring at a person who could only be Raven's mother.

Raven was watching the woman, her eyes flickering a bit, her sadness for leaving barely reflected beneath strong determination. Determination and fear.

"Raven!" He shouted, though he knew that it was pointless. He knew that there would be no way for a memory to comprehend or even to hear him. It was something that had already happened, and it was impossible to change or alter it in any way.

Raven's cloak whipped around as a wind blew through the area, and the teenage girl turned her head and attention back to focus on the demon that still towered above her. Beast Boy's eyes moved back to the woman in the crowd, drawn because she had suddenly stepped forward, but couldn't continue approaching because a man in the background had seized her upper arm.

"Arella, no!" he said in a sharp voice.

Arella… An interesting name, and definitely not one of Earth origin, though he knew that he wasn't viewing something that had taken place on his home planet. Raven had been born and raised on another planet, no matter how much she knew of Earth, no matter how human she looked. Even knowing this, Beast Boy found it difficult to think of Raven as an alien girl.

Raven took a few more steps forward as Beast Boy waited to discover what would happen next. Had she gone with Trigon? Had something held her back? But he never found out. Instead of seeing Raven take those few more steps toward her father, the scenery faded out and the world went black for a moment, before an area full of ghastly looking shapes and figures came into view. Beast Boy blinked and stared – he was looking at an army of Raven's, all different ages, all with different expressions on their faces.

Most were expressionless, though some were sad, and some even seemed lost or confused. Beast Boy though, was disappointed that he couldn't spot any that seemed truly happy. Raven truly had a lonely past.

He was jerked from his reverie by Love's voice. "Don't let them touch you," she began in a soft whisper, "You'll be brought into their memory, and could witness something very private…" She trailed off and looked up at Beast Boy, as if finally realizing that this was the reason for Beast Boy's 'pilgrimage' across Raven's mind.

"But that's why we're here. We want to see things that no one else knows about Raven, because she won't tell anyone. She's far too secretive about her past, and maybe if we knew something, we'd be able to help her. She always keeps herself in seclusion, and it's not right." Beast Boy persisted.

Love simply looked at him sadly. "Perhaps if you tried to speak with her…" The emotion murmured. "Perhaps then she would be willing to tell you something of her. You've never really asked, not in a way that made it easy for her to answer."

Beast Boy regarded Love with annoyance, "Why've you taking her side all of a sudden?" He asked, "All she does is push you away. I'd think you'd want to do anything possible to get back at her for that."

The emotion stared at him blandly, a look which probably meant that the real Raven would be rolling her eyes and dripping sarcastic comments. "Beast Boy… I may have different views than her, but you forget the most important thing. I. Am. Raven."

She was watching him carefully, and clearly trying not to hurt him in any way, but seemed unsure as to how she could go about doing this and still get her point across. It was the typical Raven but with a twist – this one seemed to care whether she hurt Beast Boy's feelings or not. The Gothic teen's doppelganger seemed genuinely concerning about what Beast Boy's reaction to her ramblings would turn out to be.

"I know that but…" Beast Boy started. He was determined not to upset her, determined to get this right. Slowly, he began to wonder what would happen if he said something to hurt her. Would she crumble to pieces like a broken heart, or be like normal Raven and simply ignore it?

Beast Boy blinked, wondering where the thought had come from. He doubted that Raven's heart could be broken. It had to be made of ice, or something stronger, like steel – the girl never hinted at having the feeling of compassion for anyone at all. But then, the figure before him wasn't exactly Raven. This was an embodiment of her that was made entirely of kindness and love. It was something strange to think about, especially when Raven was concerned.

"But that's why we came, to find out more about Raven, well, you. So… If you don't want to hang around, I guess that's okay."

Love regarded him curiously and then seemed to think for a moment, though she made it difficult to tell because her face had become stoic and unfeeling, much like Raven's usually was. "I'll stay," she answered finally.

Beast Boy grinned at her, and their hands found each other again as Beast Boy turned and barreled into a figure who looked like she could have been Raven when the Gothic Titan was at about the age of ten. Cyborg, who had been silent through the entire argument – unusual for him – followed reluctantly.

* * *

"I'm going to kill them!" Raven seethed, trying to shake off the memory that Beast Boy and Cyborg had just forced her to relive, probably without them even realizing what they were doing. It had been a memory that she had been trying to forget ever since she had first come to Earth. The memory of her going with Trigon to the dimension which he ruled over, for the simple reason of stopping him from increasing his territory into her own galaxy. And now she had many memories of Trigon's planet rushing through her head. 

The terror, destruction and fear that the citizens of his reign had lived with still haunted her, though she had spent less than a month in that place. She was an empath, and Trigon hadn't realized what he was putting her through by keeping her there. She had constantly felt the horror that the citizens felt, and their inner pains and sorrows. She had felt that her soul was tearing apart.

But that memory also contained a clear image of her mother, one of the only clear memories she had of the woman who had given birth to her. Yes… Arella Roth… The woman who had been raped by the monster, Trigon. The woman who had kept a demon child in her womb for nine months, while not knowing what the babe would turn out to be. The woman who had gone through the pains of birth, only to have a child who was half human. The woman who had protected her child from those who would have killed Raven while she was still a defenseless infant.

Raven gasped suddenly as another memory surfaced, this one almost solely of her mother, and Raven found herself reliving the time that had immediately followed the death of the Great Elder of Azarath, and her mentor from when she was a young child, Azar.

Raven's 10 year old eyes flickered around her bedroom, wondering what the alien feeling which filled her senses was. Her mentor had passed on, and though the child had known that it was coming and had even been expecting it, she found herself filled with this strange emotion that she was unsure how to deal with.

Raven shook her head, knowing that if she let her confusion rise too far and overwhelm her, that something bad would happen. She had always been taught that emotions were bad, that emotions were a destructive force and that she couldn't show them. She couldn't show emotion, because if she did, she could destroy her entire planet.

Raven looked around her bedroom again before slowly standing, running her hands down her long, blue divided dress in a quick movement. She had stood with the intention of continuing with her normal routine of prayer and meditation, a way to keep her emotions far within her, and control her powers, but found her intentions interrupted by a quick knock at her door, just as she was donning her cloak.

"Enter…" She said gently, turning to face the door. She watched as the handle slowly turned and a woman entered, whom Raven hadn't seen in at least three months. "Mother." She said with a nod.

The woman smiled at her and crossed the room to stand near her daughter. Raven knew that the woman had strong feelings of love for her, but had never been able to express them for fear of setting off Raven's emotions. It was the way that she had grown up, and she was used to it. Far too used to it.

Her mother approached slowly, "Are you alright?" She asked calmly. Raven looked at her, the girl's face was blank, but her mind was buzzing. They hadn't seen each other in ages, but her mother was still able to tell that something was wrong with her, even though she was keeping her face as blank as possible. She figured that it had to have something to do with a mother's intuition or something of the sort.

"I feel… confused," Raven admitted softly. She looked at the ground. "There is a strange feeling within me that I cannot place." Raven sighed and looked back up at her mother, hoping that perhaps she would be able to give some insight as to what this strange feeling could be.

"You are feeling loss, Raven. It is a natural thing to feel when you have lost someone who was close to you," Arella explained calmly. She hugged her daughter and Raven's eyes widened slightly in surprise. The twinkling sound of breaking glass was heard in the background, and Raven quickly pushed away, her head bowed again.

"I am sorry," she said quickly, clearly embarrassed by what had happened, and unsure of what her consequence would be. There were some in the temple who punished her harshly whenever she broke or exploded something, and others who took it in stride, smiled kindly at her and continued on their way. Her mother was usually one of the latter, but if she was taking the place of Azar, then that could change.

"It is alright my child… It was my fault," her mother murmured in a soothing voice. She looked down at her daughter and sighed, "I love you Raven, and I will always love you, no matter what happens. I want you to remember that." Her eyes strayed to the red jewel in her daughter's forehead, before flickering back to make eye contact with the girl.

It was then that Raven felt the memory begin to fade, and she found herself forced back to reality. She looked around and sighed, "I love you too…" she whispered gently to the sky that her mind had conjured up. It was slightly stormy, and looked as if it would cast rain upon the ground at any time. It was reflecting how Raven felt inside, the swirling vortex of emotions that was within her, the same swirling vortex that would eventually swallow her, simply because she wasn't allowed to express them.

* * *

**Author's Corner**

I liked the end to this chapter. Anyway, I'm sorry for the extremely late update, but I was a bit stuck on the way this chapter would go, and I wanted it to flow well. Also, I was working on a one-shot Christmas piece, (which probably won't be up until next Christmas now) and that took up a lot of my time.

**Notes on Memories** – Both memory scenes were adapted from things that actually happened to Raven in the comic book. I had to make alterations though, so that I could adapt it to the cartoon storyline that I've based this piece on.

_Memory 1 –_ Raven _did_ go with Trigon to the planet he ruled over, but in reality, it wasn't until after the Titans were formed. The entire team was on Azarath because Trigon kept attacking Earth, wanting Raven. Raven returned to Azarath to save the Earth, and then the Titans followed to save her. Raven eventually agreed to go with Trigon to his planet, but only because she didn't want Trigon to kill the other Titans, destroy Azarath and take over another galaxy.

_Memory 2 –_ Raven's mother, Arella, is actually human. She went to Azarath after being 'raped' by Trigon. Azarath is a planet of people who fled Earth seeking a place where they could create their own way of life, free of violence. However, the planet was forced into drastic changes after Raven was born because of what she was. Before Raven, the planet had been beautiful, but when the girl was born, everything changed drastically. There were many on the planet who wanted her dead, and a few attempts on her life that drove Arella to be a protective mother.

However, Arella was soon after separated from Raven because of an event that basically awoke Raven's demon side. After an attempt on her life that connected her with Trigon when she was only about one or two years of age, Raven's power started blossoming. Azar, the Elder of Azarath and the leader at the time, took Raven under her wing to help her to control the powers. As Azarath was already a planet of people who focused on prayer throughout their days, there wasn't much that Azar needed to change in her training of Raven.

Arella wasn't allowed much contact with her daughter because of obvious reasons. Azar wanted to keep human contact with the child limited. She didn't want bonds forming between Raven and anyone else, because that could cause emotion to show. And so, we meet the Raven in the cartoon.

Also, Azar _did _die when Raven was about 10 years old. That part however, is all I actually took. I couldn't remember the rest so I just wrote my own. ;;

_To my reviewers..._

Nevermoretheraven – Bah, of course I was going to update. --

ive lost it-there, i said it – Yeah, writers block is bad. And you're welcome….

Love you all

* * *

Completed – 28/12/04 

Uploaded – 28/12/04


	5. Tears Will Fall

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

**Summary:** Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter 5 – Tears Will Fall_

Beast Boy looked around wildly, his brain working overtime as he wondered about the memory that he had just viewed. He had always thought that Raven had become the way she was because of some sort of mishap that had occurred when she had been younger, perhaps in her early teens. It was a strange and even alarming feeling to think that she had been taught to be the way that she was.

"What's up?" He asked, looking over at Love. She looked a little confused, as if she was experiencing something strange that she had never experienced before. Well, Beast Boy knew that it was something he, himself had never experienced. He also felt strongly that Raven was going to kill him when she finally found him. It wasn't really something that he was looking forward to.

"We need to find Raven, we need to leave here." Love said gently, she was looking up at Cyborg, instead of focusing on Beast Boy. Apparently she thought that it would be easier to convince the half-robot than it would be to convince Beast Boy. She was probably right.

"I agree. I've seen enough," Cyborg replied. He too, looked unnerved at what he had seen.

Beast Boy grumbled, seeing that he was plainly outnumbered. It wasn't fair, he was still curious! He supposed that they _had_ seen enough though. Raven would probably kill the three of them as it was; there was really no need to go any further. He looked at the other members of his party and shrugged, "Alright, I give. We'll go."

Love smiled at him. It wasn't a crazy smile like Happy's had been, but was small and delicate, and not something that you would expect to see on Raven's face, no matter what side of her it was. It was actually something he was surprised at, and he found himself wondering why he couldn't get the regular Raven to smile like that.

Pulling himself from his reverie, Beast Boy's eyes flickered around, looking for the portal they had entered through. "Uhh… Where do we go?" He asked, looking at Love. She giggled, grabbed his hand and pulled him along, making her way easily through the blackness, until they came to a portal.

This one, however, seemed different than the one they had entered through. There was still a black colouring within the swirl, but there were more blacks and grays, and two colours which were strongly out of place. A deep, midnight blue, and a yellowy-gold.

Love gasped and stared, "We're so dead." She mumbled, taking a breath and stepping through the portal. Beast Boy couldn't help but notice that she had released his hand as she went.

* * *

_Earlier…_

Raven violently shook her head. Her mind was becoming clouded by thoughts and memories that she never wished to face again. She had fled Azarath to create a new life for herself, and to distance herself from those who had shunned her when she was growing up. She had even managed to forget the majority of her childhood, having focused herself around her life with the Titans. It wasn't enough though, not when she had people living around her who insisted on invading her privacy. Why couldn't they just accept what she wanted to tell them about herself, and leave it at that?

Raven faltered, knowing the answer to that question. It was entirely a trust issue, how do you trust a half-demon who can go psycho on you at any point in time, just because she releases her grip on her emotions? But of course, Raven knew that it was only her fault if the Titans didn't trust her. It was she who chose not to disclose any information about herself or her past.

Raven sighed bitterly. Her own analysis was telling her that she was an idiot. She was constantly complaining – though only to herself – that she was misunderstood and about people who constantly jumped to conclusions about her. About why she was the way she was, about why she was so secretive. But slowly, very slowly, she was realizing that this was her fault, because she did not share the stories of her path with those who made these assumptions.

The Gothic girl blinked and shook her head. Who was she standing up for? It wasn't herself, that was for sure. Something was trying to manipulate her from within her own head, and though she was unable to determine exactly what it was, she knew that she would figure it out eventually. And this eventually had better come soon, because she was looking forward to making the manipulator pay.

Raven looked around before closing her eyes. The first thing to do would be to figure out just where she was, and then she would worry about making her way to Beast Boy and Cyborg. In her mind's eye, she pictured the landscape that surrounded her, the same landscape that she had been staring at for the past while, and imagined leaving the place.

After minutes of sitting in silence and waiting for something to happen, an image finally flashed to her. It was a vision of her own body, lying in a comatose state atop a small white, cot-like bed. There were white sheets and blankets gathered up around her, and she looked extremely pale. But this wasn't what she was looking for, so this didn't matter.

She dismissed the image and another replaced it almost instantly. This time, she viewed herself crossing a large plain – the same one that she was trapped within – and fading away through a portal that had appeared in front of her as she walked. Raven's eyes snapped open and she looked around, expecting to see the portal somewhere near her. The landscape however, hadn't changed in the least, except for a trail of footprints that Raven couldn't possibly have made.

The empath hesitated, unsure as to whether or not it would be safe to follow the path. After all, not everything that inhabited her mind was friendly; some things were everything _but _friendly. It was when the path began to fade that she realized she had no choice. This could be her only way out for a long time, and she didn't feel like being stuck for much longer.

Without any more hesitation, Raven quickly began down the path. She was carefully following the footprints, making sure she didn't stay and end up becoming lost. Finally she looked up and stared straight ahead, eager to see the portal that would take her from this hellish place. But she was still unable to view the portal. Was it really there? Or had her imagination simply been playing tricks on her because she was desperate?

But no, she could swear that she saw something of a yellowhue fluttering occasionally in the distance. It was almost as if someone had decided to fly a flag, and there it was blowing in the wind. But of course, there was no wind here, which meant that the orange thing was moving. She was beginning to become completely irrational with this random onslaught of thoughts flowing through her mind.

Raven frowned and tried to clear her head as she peered over the next ridge – she could have sworn that it had been a flat plain just moments before – and suddenly, a thought dawned on her. She had telekinetic powers – she could levitate. Wondering if her common sense was taking a holiday – how could she forget something so simple? – Raven rose up into the air with her eyes glowing a blinding white.

She floated toward the portal and her eyes widened slightly at the figure she spotted standing near to it. Of course! It made sense! Gliding over, Raven gently touched down on the ground next to her knowledgeable side. Theyellow robed figure simply smiled as she viewed the complete reflection of herself.

"We have missed you. Are you ready to emerge now?" the figure asked in a gentle voice that caused Raven to stare. They had missed her? Was she ready to emerge? What was going on? The empath frowned. This was some sort of conspiracy against her, it _had_ to be.

"What are you talking about? 'Ready to emerge now,' I didn't choose to come here in the first place!" Raven exclaimed. Though she was trying to avoid showing outright anger, she was clearly annoyed at the daring shown by a figure who only existed as a personification of herself.

"Well, I suppose not, if you wanted to go into technicalities," theyellow robed doppelganger began, causing Raven to frown and peer at her suspiciously. "It was more of a collaborative choice that we – we being the different parts of you – made on our own." The girl braced herself as if expecting an outburst; she wasn't disappointed.

"_You did what?_" Raven exploded, her eyes flashing a dangerous red colour as she glared at Knowledge. How could they even _dare_ to make a decision like that without her permission? It was bad enough that they _insisted_ on driving her crazy, simply through their existence and interference in her life, but now they were controlling what her body did too? It was going too far!

"Calm down," the emotion said soothingly, "We only did it to help you." She seemed to genuinely be trying to help, but Raven wasn't interested in assistance from someone who was trying – and succeeding – to manipulate her.

"Help me? You did it to _help_ me?" Raven shrieked; her eyes were now changing to a solid, blood red shade as her aura encompassed her. Rage had broken out of her tight bonds. The realm of Raven's mind would be in chaos for days, but the Gothic teen didn't care.

"How could rendering me _unconscious_ possibly _help_ me?" Her voice had gained a demonic tone as she demanded the answer from the cowering representative of intelligence.

"Calm down… Please. Allow me to explain," the emotion said gently. She was making strange gestures with her arms as she spoke and Raven found rationality slowly conquering her out of control emotions. Her form slowly returned to normal, though she was a few shades paler than she had been.

Knowledge walked quickly over and rested a comforting arm over Raven's shoulders, and the empath looked up, only to find that she was staring into the depths of her own violet eyes.

"What's wrong with me?" She finally asked, after a few long moments of uncomfortable silence.

"There's nothing _wrong_. You take everything the wrong way. It's actually very _right_, Raven. You just can't deal with it, for obvious reasons." Knowledge said. Raven figured that she made sense to herself, but to someone who had no clue as to what she was speaking about – someone like Raven herself – the emotion made no sense what-so-ever.

"What's veryright?" Raven asked softly, "And why can't I deal with it?"

Knowledge stared at her with what could only be disbelief. There was no way that Raven couldn't know what was causing this. After all, the girl had increased her meditation time _because_ of it. Or maybe she just wanted to see if Knowledge would come right out and tell her, come right out and say just what was going on.

"You're in love, and you know it," the know-it-all side of Raven said softly. Raven looked up at her, her face completely void of emotion. However, it was apparent from the swirling sky above that Raven was conflicting with herself. She wouldn't admit to something like this – she _couldn't_ admit to something like this.

"No." Raven said in a forceful voice as she turned and walked through the portal, not caring whether or not Knowledge followed her, though she knew that her double had without even looking back.

Instead, she surveyed her surroundings, smiling slightly as she looked around at the familiar territory, and then frowning when she realized just where she was. She was deep in the back of her own mind, a place she hated to tread, because it held memories that she hated to remember, and emotions that she hated having. One of which was the current tormentor, Anger.

The red robed figure turned and smiled as Raven came out of the portal, trying to look innocent, but failing to hide the malicious look in her four red eyes. "Hello," she said with a leer, her cape held out to cover something, but not quite able to hide the vivid pink that could only be Happy.

"Raven!" shrieked the voice of another one of Raven's most dreaded emotions as the pink robed figure flung herself out from behind and away from Anger, to instead cower behind Knowledge and Raven herself.

"Get back to where you belong," Raven growled at the emotion that represented everything she hated from her past, but she knew it wouldn't be enough. Anger was her most stubborn side after, well, Stubborn. And sure enough, all she received in response was a sarcastic smirk.

"I'd like to see you make me," the emotion replied. She didn't seem too worried, and Raven couldn't really blame her. The only way to really control the emotion was through meditation, and she really didn't have the time or patience to meditate at the moment.

"Leave Happy alone then, and Love too, if you come across her," Raven replied, defeated. The red-robed emotion continued to smirk.

"Or what?" She asked tauntingly. Raven thought a moment, and then smiled blandly.

"I'll set Confidence after you," she said. As expected, Anger looked horrified. Raven knew that she hated the brave emotion more than anything else, and didn't actually blame her. The green robed fighting machine rubbed on her own nerves more than Happy did.

"I'll behave," the figure hissed, looking back only once as she slowly retreated into the distance. Raven grinned triumphantly, but it didn't last. Her reverie was shattered by a phrase from Knowledge.

"They're in there," theyellow robed figure said plainly. Happy looked at the gateway to Raven's memories and raised an eyebrow, before vanishing into the ground. Apparently, she had no wish to know what they were talking about. She'd be told later anyway.

"How they could even dare…" Raven hissed. Staring into the swirling vortex, she could just see strange swirls of chrome, blue and green mixed into the blacks and grays. And occasionally, she spotted a shine of purest silver.

* * *

Robin looked around the recreation room curiously. Starfire was in the kitchen, looking through the refrigerator for something to eat, and no one else was in sight. If he thought about it, he hadn't seen Beast Boy or Cyborg for nearly 12 hours by the VCR clock. Now was probably the time to search for them. 

He rose from his place on the couch and Starfire looked up, her peripheral vision picking up the movement instantly. "Something is wrong?" She asked gently.

Robin nodded, "Don't you find it strange that Cyborg and Beast Boy _still_ haven't shown up to play video games, or at least argue over cooking dinner?" He asked the red haired alien girl.

Starfire nodded slowly, "Perhaps our friends are still visiting friend Raven? Or perhaps doing something in their own rooms?" She suggested. Always the optimist, Starfire wouldn't even _think _of the possibility that someone could be hurt or missing, unless it was proven that they actually were.

"Maybe we should check Star. They haven't been around for a while…" Robin said slowly. He didn't want to say anything that would suggest something bad, because Starfire would go from one extreme to another as quickly as you could say the word 'bad.'

Starfire looked at Robin curiously for a moment before nodding, "Alright. I shall check to see if they are with friend Raven, and also see if she has woken up yet." The girl said in a cheerful voice as she floated into the air and flew out of the room. Robin simply stared after her, wondering how she could summon the joy to fly at a time like this.

After a moment, he jerked himself from staring and headed toward the wing where Cyborg's and Beast Boy's bedrooms were located.

* * *

**Author's Corner**

This took me a while to update, but I have a few good excuses.

I write my ideas in a rough copy notebook when I'm at school. On Friday, I went to a friend's place and accidentally left the book behind. As a result, I couldn't write all weekend, and then I didn't get the book back until Wednesday.

It's cram time at school, and I have a zillion assignments to do. Most of which are due Monday. Then I have exams. Fun.

My brother is stupid and never lets me on the computer. Whoever created MapleStory should die. (Not that it's not a fun game.)

I've started two other fanfics. One is a one-shot, which probably won't be up for a while, and the other is going to be a few chapters long – probably about 9 – and have a sequel.

I'm basically nearing the end of this installment, and it's getting harder to write, because there are certain things I have to cover to tie up some ends. First chapters are easy; it's the endings that are difficult.

Anyway, those are my excuses. Another thing I wanted to mention was that I am going to make this story the beginning of a small trilogy, so the storyline will continue after this piece is complete.

_To my reviewers…_

Nevermoretheraven – I bet you didn't expect me to take _this _long. I didn't expect it either…

ConnArtist – I take that as a very high compliment! Thank you!

Hikari-Moriyaku – Yep yep, more coming right up.

* * *

_A small advertisement_

I started up a TT discussion and role play forum. Anyone interested should check my profile for links.

* * *

Completed – 13/01/2005 

Uploaded – 13/01/2005


	6. Breakdown

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

**Summary:** Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter 6 – Breakdown_

A tremor shook the ground, its vibrations resounding throughout the sparse and barren ground of Raven's mind. The tremor meant danger, and was the only obvious cause for Knowledge's reaction – to wrap her yellow cloak tightly around her tiny body as a way of shielding her form from any sudden outbursts. The tremor had been a cause for alarm, a warning sign, warning of Raven becoming insecure and emotionally unstable.

The reasons behind this were obvious though. Raven had been locked inside her own mind by different manifestations of her own being, and all for one reason that Raven couldn't be quite sure she understood. How could she have fallen in love? It was the most ridiculous notion she had ever heard, and she would never admit to it. It couldn't happen. She couldn't _love_, she wasn't allowed to _love._

She scowled and changed her focus to glare at the swirling figures that were showing within the frame of the archway before her. She could be patient, and wait for them to come to her. After all, there was no way that they'd dare to stay there any longer, especially knowing that she was standing on the other side. Yes, they'd come out in the next few minutes if they didn't want to die.

Knowledge frowned as she watched Raven. She was still holding her cape tightly around her, and her eyes spoke of the most extreme caution. She was staying silent and simply acting as an onlooker, wondering what would happen, should Love come out standing too close to a particular member of the small party through the portal.

She had spoken this over with Rationality before the lockdown had commenced, but it was still aggravating that Raven couldn't make peace with her own mind. The girl refused to admit that she was in love, and it was only going to bring her down in the end. Raven was on a one-way street, headed straight for a breakdown. As another tremor shook the area, Knowledge knew that it wouldn't be too long before it occurred.

The yellow robed figure sighed as she watched the gateway before her. They were coming out; it was too late to discuss anything further. Her eyes worriedly flew between the set expression on Raven's face, and the unsteady swirling of the portal, and as she analyzed them, she found herself unsure as to which was more disconcerting.

* * *

Beast Boy stared nervously through the portal, hesitant to cross the border that separated him from Raven. She was going to _kill_ him, but maybe he wouldn't be alone in it. Maybe she'd kill Cyborg and Love as well. '_Love…_' he glanced over at the emotion and frowned. She was turned only slightly, but it was just enough to restrict him from seeing the full of her face, and therefore making it impossible to make direct eye contact with her. 

What was going on exactly? Did Love know something he didn't? She had been warm and friendly before, and suddenly, she was being as distant – though not quite as cold – as Raven normally was. Had _he_ done something to upset her? It seemed impossible – she had made all the moves when it came to them and being close – but now she was acting as if none of it had ever happened, and it was confusing the hell out of him. Were girls always so damn hard to get along with? He had never really had problems with them before, but maybe it was different when the girl actually liked you?

He blinked and shuddered, forcing away the thought. Sure, Raven was pretty and, when she didn't want to throw him off of the Tower, she was actually quite sweet. But there was no way that she _liked_ him. Not like that anyway. Hell, she could scarcely stand being in the same room as him for more then an hour. But then why had Love been acting in such a manner? She wasn't as companionable toward Cyborg, even going far enough to act as if the half-robot wasn't there for much of the time.

It was all so confusing! But one thing was for sure – Raven would want to kill him even more if she knew how close the Love emotion had been to him, and she'd probably try to kill the emotion as well… What a disaster that would be – it would leave Raven in a wreck, not to mention that his chances with her would end up being zero. Not that they weren't already there.

Beast Boy grimaced and tugged at forest green locks. What was he _thinking_? As if he ever had a chance with Raven anyway! It would only serve to disrupt the workings of the team, and make them more vulnerable – things like that got leaked to the media far too easily. Not to mention that Raven would kill him for even trying to ask her out – why did he keep dwelling on his own destruction?

It was then that he noticed that Love was tugging on his sleeve. Looking around, he realized that Cyborg must have already gone to face the music, because, well, he wasn't there. Squinting through the portal, Beast Boy thought that he recognized the blues and silvers that made up the tall half-robot Titan. Beast Boy turned his attention to Love and gulped audibly. '_She's going to kill me!'_

"Come on, Beast Boy…" Love said in her soft tones. Was that what Raven would sound like if she didn't speak in a droning monotone all the time? He shook his head roughly at the thought. Now was _not_ the time to think about Raven like that. It was _stupid_ to think about Raven like that.

He gulped again as Love pulled him suddenly through the portal.

* * *

Raven felt her demon side stir at the anger she felt when Love emerged from the portal, leading Beast Boy by his sleeve. How _dare_ she touch him! How _dare_ they be that close! She forced down the stirring demon and took a few deep breaths. She would not lose control… She would not lose control… 

'_Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…'_ she thought to herself as she breathed. Robin would kill her if she seriously injured Beast Boy – he'd probably send her to jail – so she had to control herself. '_Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…'_ Beast Boy was so dead.

"Why are you here?" she growled softly at Beast Boy. She was ignoring Cyborg all together. While she had no doubt that he must have had _something_ to do with the total disregard of her privacy, but Beast Boy was her main concern. She knew that he had obviously been too close to Love, but this was more than she expected.

"W-we were wo-worried about you, Rae…" Beast Boy stuttered softly. Raven's glare intensified. He dared to use a _nickname_ now? Beast Boy must have noticed the change in her look, because he backed away quickly and muttered, "I mean, Raven… Not Rae…"

She continued to stare him down, "That's no reason to invade my privacy!" she growled. She had to admit though; she was somewhat surprised that they would worry so much. Though she strongly figured it was only because the team was short a member, and therefore more vulnerable that way – it was all for the team.

"You're in here, meaning you went into my _room_, playing with my meditation mirror _again_, and wandered around through my _mind_ until you found my _memories_! Not to mention that you've somehow managed to _bewitch_ one of my emotions!" her eyes flared blood red as she spoke, and she couldn't help but notice that Beast Boy had backed further away.

Something grabbed her arm suddenly and she turned her head to find herself face to face with Knowledge. The yellow cloaked emotion was gripping her arm in one of her small hands and Raven frowned at her in a manner that was almost angry, as she jerked her arm back to her side. A rumble resounded through the area, followed by a streak of black lightning, high above their heads. Beast Boy let out a soft shriek.

"What was that?" he asked, backing against Cyborg. The half-robot simply pushed him away, before turning to approach Raven. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder and she looked up at him, too startled by the sudden action to react.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly. He'd learned enough about Raven the last time that they had trespassed into her mind, to know that the patterns of the ground and sky simply weren't as they usually were in this… void.

"Fine…" Raven muttered in response. She backed carefully away from Cyborg's hand, and then turned from Knowledge's eyes, which brought her face to face with Love. She stared at the silver caped version of herself for a moment before forcing her eyes away. "I need to speak with you," the dreary monotone was back, with a slight edge to it. Love whimpered slightly and nodded.

Raven slowly led the emotion away from the group, turning to face her once they were out of earshot. She was furious, boiling with a rage that she knew she was unable to release. She winced as a large stone arch creaked and fell to the ground some distance behind them.

Love put one of her hands over Raven's trembling ones, "We love him," she said softly. "Please, stop denying it…" Raven shook her head roughly. Love was too strong, and an emotion that strong was never allowed to come through – it was forbidden. This was too overwhelming, far too overwhelming for her to deal with. How could you control an emotion that you knew was working so actively against you? How could you fight against an emotion that you so wanted to welcome? An emotion you admitted to having?

She closed her eyes and fell to her knees, tears appearing at the corners of her eyes. Why did she have to be so weak? She shook her head and the tears began to fall. Black energy snared around her as they fell and she struggled to stop them. She'd destroy the Tower if she didn't. But still they fell, unable to stop as years and years of holding back emotions flowed free. Years of heartache and betrayal, everything that she had ever wanted to cry about, she cried for now.

She was barely aware of the bodies that crowded in around her, trying to bring her comfort, calling her name in soft tones. She could feel hands on her body, trying to soothe her, and then she heard screams, the screams of people being attacked by her powers. She had to stop, but couldn't…

It ended with the rushing sound of water, and then she heard nothing at all.

* * *

Robin entered the infirmary quietly and looked toward the small, diminutive form that was Raven. She seemed to be calm, despite the occasional flit of expression across her slumbering features. He frowned suddenly, upon realization of what he was seeing. Expressions? But where were they coming from? Subconscious dreams? He approached the side of the cot and placed his hand over hers. True, she'd kill him if she was awake, but he felt, somehow, that she needed something. 

It was a strange feeling, really, to feel like someone without consciousness needed you around. Did Raven even realize that she was unconscious? Did she realize how much she was needed as a member of the team? He shook his head at how selfish the thought had sounded. Raven was a friend – a good friend – he couldn't think of her as _just_ a team member.

He sighed and removed his hand from hers. He was being stupid; she couldn't know that he was there. Or could she? He watched as her features twitched again, and again. He then frowned as her face twisted and her eyes flickered open, in a glare the shade of fresh blood.

"Raven?" he exclaimed in a loud, questioning tone, almost expecting her to respond. Instead, however, the girl's eyes simply slid closed again. He frowned and examined the monitors that occupied the wall above Raven's head. Nothing was reading any different except for…

He gasped as the computers started beeping, and the images on the monitor screens began flashing in an irregular pattern as Raven convulsed slightly. Staring at her and trying to slow his own rapidly beating heart – she couldn't die! – Robin openly gaped at what he saw.

Wet streaks, and small dots of wet had begun to form on Raven's cheeks and pillow, and tears were trailing off of her face into her short lilac hair. Raven was crying. As suddenly as he had noticed this, he noticed something else – her Chakra, her powers, were responding to the outburst of emotion. A torrent of the half-demon girl's black aura was spinning outward from the jewel, ruining everything it touched.

Instinct struck and Robin threw his cape up protectively around his form in an effort to protect himself from the onslaught, but it was to no avail. He screamed and collapsed, unconscious from the force of his collision with the steel wall.

* * *

"Friend Beast Boy?" called Starfire, her voice edged with worry, but also curiousity, as she floated through the corridors of the Tower. "Friend Cyborg?" she had been looking for the pair of Titans for quite some time now. She had been unable to find them in either of their bedrooms, on the roof or in the garage, and so, she had resorted to floating through the corridors, calling for her two lost team mates. 

It also worried her that she hadn't seen Robin while on her search. True, he could be looking in other places and those places hadn't caused their paths to cross, but even so… She found it strange that they could go for so long without seeing each other, and still be in the same building, and doing the same activity – looking for their friends.

Then it hit her, 'The infirmary! Robin must be there, keeping in the company of friend Raven!' her path decided, Starfire spun in the air and began to head for the infirmary. Perhaps Robin was taking so long because Raven had awoken? Or maybe he had found Cyborg and Beast Boy? Both were possibilities, and the awakening of Raven would be a reason for celebration.

Her hopes were dashed, however, when she heard Robin's pained scream resound throughout the Tower.

* * *

**Author's Corner**

My writer's block is gone! I started writing last night and well… I haven't exactly been able to stop, but I had to hold myself back for this chapter, or else it would have ended up being two chapters and… Yeah. But my hands are itching to write, so it can only be a good thing for you. :)

_To my reviewers…_

hey – Thank you:)

Murakio – Yay! Thanks :)

samuraiduck27 – Thank you

nevermoretheraven – I realize that now, and I've fixed it in chapter 5… And yeah, writer's block really sucks x.x

Sparrowing – Thank you

Nightingale628 - :D And thank you, it's great to know that someone thinks that highly of one of my pieces of writing

TDG3RD – It wasn't so bad. Beast Boy still might find himself dead though… XD And thank you so much for taking the time to actually e-mail me! It means a lot :) I'm glad you like the way that I've been writing the characters :)

chex mix – Thanks

The Foolish Immortal – Umm… I'm sorry? Don't kill me! Please!

* * *

Completed – 05/04/2005 

Uploaded – 05/04/2005


	7. Slow Recovery

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

**Warning:** Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

**Summary:** Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

* * *

**Help Me Whilst I Hide**

_Chapter 7 – Slow Recovery_

Beast Boy moaned as he blinked open emerald green eyes and slowly took in his surroundings. Everything was dark, save the steady red blinking of one of Cyborg's sensors, and the glowing of his mechanical eye. He slowly sat up, mind reeling as he tried to figure out where he was. His hands ran along the ground. It was soft, though very damp… Damp? Why would it be damp?

In an instant Beast Boy had taken the form of a raccoon and was looking around, further examining his surroundings. The floor – carpeted – had a large wet spot in the middle, right around where he and Cyborg were, and was causing the heavy smell of must that hung in the air. He frowned as his raccoon eyes picked up the slight glinting of something that lay near where Cyborg was. He approached it slowly and touched it with one of his forepaws, though he quickly pulled it back when he realized what it was; Raven's meditation mirror. Did that mean they were back in Raven's room? But how?

He changed back to human form as Cyborg began to come to, and carefully lifted the mirror to place it a top Raven's dressing table, being sure to hold it as far from his body as was possible. He wouldn't have thought it possible to be expelled from the mirror in that way, but then again, he scarcely knew anything about the workings of the portal; the workings of Raven's mind.

He slowly massaged a temple as he turned to regard Cyborg slowly. The older Titan was a mirror to what Beast Boy felt – confusion and fear were painted across the human half of his face. Confusion in regards to their surroundings, fear for what it could mean for Raven.

"How'd we get here?" Cyborg asked, breaking through the silence that was settled over the room. An uneasy silence that always seemed to be present in and around Raven's room. A silence caused by the abated breaths of thousands of hidden watchers, spirits that were present in the walls and air of the room.

"That… Tidal wave must have taken us all the way to the 'forbidden door' and washed us out," Beast Boy replied, recalling the sudden torrent of water that had come upon them at first glimpse of Raven's tears. Once again, his eyes flickered slowly around Raven's room and he frowned, worry beginning to glisten in his eyes.

Cyborg regarded him with his head cocked to one side. "You okay man?" he asked, watching Beast Boy for another few moments before turning his eyes away to examine the puddle on the floor.

"We need to go and check on Raven," Beast Boy said in an urgent tone. He stood and headed for the door of the room with a quick gesture for Cyborg to follow. He didn't know why he felt the overwhelming sense that something was wrong with Raven, and didn't know where the feeling had come from – animal instinct? – but he knew that the feeling was there, and trying to tell him something.

Without looking behind to see if Cyborg was following, Beast Boy ran out of the room - And straight into Starfire, who had been flying by the door at that moment.

"Friend Beast Boy! You are found!" the red headed alien exclaimed happily. The changeling looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. He'd been missing?

"What're you---" he started, but found himself being cut off by the alien's high soprano tones.

"-I have not seen you or friend Cyborg for two days!" the girl exclaimed. Her green eyes were practically glowing in delight at once again seeing her friend.

Beast Boy blinked in surprise. Two days? It hadn't even felt like two _hours!_ But then, there wasn't any evidence of time passing within Raven's mind – though he _was_ surprised that he hadn't found himself tired or hungry. Still… Two days?

"Where's Robin?" he asked finally, looking over Starfire's shoulder, almost expecting to see the masked teen standing there.

"He is…" the alien girl trailed off and frowned. "I am worried… I heard a scream." She finished in the same soft tones, shaking her head slowly. Worry shone through the glee in her eyes.

"A scream?" Cyborg asked, causing Beast Boy to jump at the sudden appearance of the half-robot Titan.

Starfire nodded quickly as she turned and began to walk in the direction she had been headed before meeting Beast Boy. "We must discover what had happened. Robin was visiting Raven," the tall red head said as she walked. Beast Boy and Cyborg quickly caught up to and fell into step beside her.

"Think it could have something to do with Raven?" Beast Boy asked Cyborg softly. He was referring to everything that had happened whilst they were wandering aimlessly around her skull, but more specifically about the tidal wave that had swept them out.

There had been something more than apoplectic rage behind Raven's eyes when he'd been caught fraternizing with Love, though he wasn't quite sure what it had been. Another emotion had been trying to shine through, and Raven had been failing in holding it back, but what had it been? It had looked almost – and he meant almost – like fear, though he couldn't imagine what she could possibly be afraid of in a place where she controlled all – or most of – what occurred.

He frowned, trying to puzzle it all out - it was starting to bother him that he was unable to - but Raven just wasn't someone that you could read like that; it was something she'd perfected – well, nearly perfected anyway – that act of being unreadable. Yet, not knowing still badgered his brain. If it was fear, what was Raven afraid of? Love? It was possible. The girl hated all emotions, and love was a strong one. That must have been it, he decided resolutely as they came up to the infirmary and walked inside.

There was instant chaos, as Starfire began wailing and rushed over to the prone form of Robin, lying against a blood smeared wall. Some of the more electric run devices occasionally crackled with black energy, and Raven was floating – still unconscious – in the middle of the room. Beast Boy rushed to her, discarding the ruin in the room as something that happened occasionally, and gently pulled her from the air and against his chest, holding her securely in his arms. He felt her light weight suddenly, as the magic instinctively let off.

Cyborg was analyzing the room slowly, "She really did a number on this place…" he muttered softly, shaking his head and quickly making his way over to Starfire and Robin. A metallic hand carefully checked Robin's skull for the crack. "It's small, already starting to heal… He'll be fine, might be a little confused though, which'll be good, 'cause he won't spaz out on Rae right away…" The half-robot's voice droned from somewhere in the distance. Beast Boy could finally feel the pull of sleep, and found himself slumping over Raven's body as he began to snore.

* * *

Her eyes snapped open as her body registered that blankets weren't supposed to snore, or drool. Her eyes flickered around, bewildered, as they tried to find something to focus on. They finally did – a head of shaggy green hair – which meant that her snoring, drooling blanket was…

"Beast Boy!" she shrieked, or, tried to. It came out as more of a soft croak – her throat was unbelievably dry, her lips were cracked and puffy. This was probably the most uncomfortable position she had ever been in, she thought warily as she struggled to move herself from under him – it was hard, she was sandwiched, and he had more muscle and body weight than she had ever given him credit for. It also didn't help that her emotions were screaming at her.

She paused in her struggling to look around the room. The slumped forms of Cyborg and Starfire rested against the wall, Robin stretched out, unconscious, between them. Why was everyone sleeping? She wondered to herself, before going back to her struggle. She would _not_ let Beast Boy wake up and find her trapped under him like this. Especially after that escapade he's had with Love. She could _kill_ the emotion!

Grumbling to herself, she went back to struggling slowly, and finally managed to get an arm out from under the green Titan. Unfortunately, the movement awoke the changeling. He blinked his eyes a few times and the green orbs slowly met her violet ones in a clash of moods – desperation and sleepiness.

Raven felt all colour drain from her face, to be quickly replaced by a dark red blush. A tendril of energy flared from her Chakra as she fought to get her emotions under control. _This isn't happening!_ She thought to herself as a grin crept across Beast Boy's face.

"Hey, Rae." Beast Boy said. He quickly moved to let her off of his lap. Wasting no time, she moved stiff limbs and scampered away, a strange look in her eye as she watched him. It was the last thing she'd expected to encounter upon awakening. How could Beast Boy _dare_ get that close to her? It was completely unheard of! It was… violation!

'That's going too far,' a little voice in her brain – a little voice named 'Love' – scolded angrily. 'He _cares_ about you. Give him a little slack!' Raven grimaced and pushing the voice away, feeling more than a little about it for no reason that she could find; well, no reason that she'd admit to anyway. So she wanted to _kill_ Beast Boy for invading her privacy. She'd feel the same way toward anyone else who dared put her in such a position.

'But not at the same level. It wouldn't be "violation" from anyone else; it would just be someone getting far too close…' Raven grimaced and fought to drown out the voice. It was taunting her, speaking only the truths that hid in the deepest part of her heart. The only part of her heart that was truly pure and innocent – the only part of _her_ that was truly pure and innocent.

Which meant that love wasn't something she could afford to fall victim to. She shuddered and pulled her cloak tightly around herself, doing her best to ignore Beast Boy. It was difficult though. Her barriers had fallen, and her inborn empathic abilities were stirring. Empathic instinct wanted to comfort the worry that Beast Boy was feeling, the demon wanted to destroy him and what did Raven want? Well, that really didn't matter, because she'd never get it.

"Raven… I-I'm sorry," Beast Boy muttered, in a voice that barely reached her ears. She turned to look at him, aware that her violet eyes were displaying more emotion than they should be, but unable to summon the energy to control it. She also found herself unable to summon up a retort. The changeling was truly sorry. But for what?

She became aware that he was moving closer to her, but made no move to keep distance between them as she fought to put her barriers back up. If she could feel what he was feeling – anxiety, shock… love – then he could easily feel what she was feeling. Her powers would be screaming her emotions for all to feel, and that was dangerous. Not only that, it made her easy to read and very vulnerable.

So she tugged her cloak tighter and huddled, knees to chest, hoping that Beast Boy would get the hint. Needless to say, he didn't. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him in an oddly comforting embrace. She swore she could feel Love celebrating as she felt her body lose some of its tension. She involuntarily moved so that she could be more comfortable, resting her head on his shoulder. He pulled her closer and she found herself cuddled gently, but quite firmly, against his chest.

Her mind screamed at her that something was going to go wrong, and she felt emotions begin to awaken – emotions that were normally nearly dormant – at the same time as more recognizable emotions settled; Love, Serenity, Joy. Her body tensed as Hatred awoke, Anger following her and she found that she couldn't force them back. She was far too relaxed. She tensed again, and heard Beast Boy begin to make comforting, soothing sounds. Sounds that she normally would have insulted him over, but that she now found herself conforming to.

Hatred reared as she relaxed again. She felt the demon side of her heart stir as Hatred and Anger joined together, and found herself pushing away from Beast Boy as she tried to take control. Her hands flew to her temples without her realizing it, and she began to scream. Previously relaxed emotions awoke, and she was thrown into an imbalance. Her emotions and other sides were arguing; roaming free; fighting; and there was nothing she could do to get control over them again.

She distantly heard Beast Boy calling, no, _screaming_ her name. More sound confusion tried to enter her ears as the voices of Cyborg, Starfire and Robin were added to the mix. She felt hands grab her shoulders and shake her gently. Then those hands were quickly replaced by other hands that shook her much harder. With a cry, she managed to get one of the rampaging emotions under control – Hatred. Instantly, her hands fell from her head and she felt them grabbed by someone; Beast Boy she thought.

Her vocal chords began to ache, and she realized she'd stopped the bout of screaming that she hadn't realized she'd begun. When she'd fully regained her senses, she found that she was once again being held close to Beast Boy, and that the rest of the team was standing around her, emitting strong waves of worry. Grimacing, she forced up barriers – weaker then she wished, but still some protection, - forced herself away from Beast Boy, and stood. Albeit, she stumbled and had to be steadied by Robin, but she did manage to stand on her own after the initial few moments.

Her eyes met Robin's masked ones for a brief moment and she turned and fled the room as an understanding she would've wished for failed to flash between them. She could feel Beast Boy's eyes staring into her back, and hastened her step, keeping her pace quick until she reached the sanctuary of her room. Her eyes flittered around it, immediately spotting the damp spot on the floor as being something out of place, but ignoring it otherwise. It could be dealt with later.

Right now… Well, now she had more important things to deal with. She couldn't stay in the Tower; not with her emotions acting the way they were, and definitely not with the confusion that clouded her mind with no hope of clarity coming any time in the near future. Right now, she was a danger to her friends, and so, was taking it upon herself to do the only thing that she knew was a fail safe way to protect them. She'd leave, and return when she'd learned further control.

She found she was once again holding her cloak tightly, she'd bowed her head, and she'd begun to force herself to fight back tears that threatened to fall. The last time she'd left a place to protect it – her beloved home, Azarath – it'd been destroyed anyway, would that happen to the Titans? A tear fell, and black energy lashed out, slicing through her bed. She hoped not.

The next hour was a blur. She could recall rushing to her bookshelf and searching her books desperately before finally discovering a protection spell that she had the supplies for; and, more importantly, one that would stay in place once she was gone. As she cast it, her mind wandered, not quite focused on its task. If she'd focused more, she may have realized that the threat to Azarath hadn't directly been her; it'd been Trigon. She'd have realized that this spell was unnecessary, unless it had the hidden property of saving loved ones from grief. And she'd have realized that sitting down and discussing her problems, and telling someone about her fears, was probably the better solution in this case.

But alas, that wasn't Raven. And her mind was too far from that state of rationality for any of the former ideas to come out. So she cast her spell and, still holding her cape tightly to her body while holding back emotions that threatened to wrack her body with grief, she grabbed a small bag with her free hand and was gone an instant later.

It wasn't until the Titans, upon entering her room hours later – looking for her – discovered the spell book, that they realized what she'd done. The spell wasn't written in English, or in any other Earthly language that they could distinguish, but pictures along the sides of the page, and the lack of items in Raven's room told them that she was gone, and it looked as if she wouldn't be returning for quite some time.

End.

**

* * *

Author's Corner **

I hope you smell a sequel, because there's definitely one coming, which has been listed in my profile for quite a while now as being one of my future works. But until I write it… Well, be happy that I've finally managed to finish this. It took me forever xx And I'm still not sure that I'm all that happy about the way that it turned out…

Feedback is much appreciated

_To my reviewers…_

samuraiduck27 – And so continue Rae's never-ending problems... Thanks for your support

TTStorm – Thanks Sorry for the delay.

BolenPUCR – Here's the update -

roguegirl...com – Thanks for sending an e-mail, and your comments were much appreciated

TDG3RD – Here's the ending Maybe I can start on that sequel now…

Anyone who reviews with an e-mail (or account), expect a treat in your inbox within the next week.

* * *

Completed – 06/02/2005 

Uploaded – 06/02/2005


End file.
